10 Ways To Find a Relationship In The New Year

by Rich Santos, Marie Claire, on Mon Dec 14

There are many circumstances that create the perfect storm for a deep committed relationship. In addition to compatibility you need good timing, luck, and both parties must be willing to commit. There's no secret formula for getting someone to commit-- I'll try to figure that out in another blog. But if your'e hoping to have more "relationships" instead of "casual dating" in 2010, here are some pointers to get you where you want to go:

1. Communicate More
You might be heading into a serious relationship without even knowing it. It's tough to know it if you don't talk about it, or say how you feel. Of course, this kind of conversation should be strategic and well-timed. But if you both continue dating without acknowledging verbally that things are getting deeper and more intense, you're just treading water. Make sure you both are on the same page; this is a key component to taking the next step from dating to relationship.

2. Don't Take The Best One For Granted
We all know that good boyfriends/girlfriends are not a dime a dozen. But that doesn't stop us from taking a good one for granted sometimes, or wondering if there is someone else out there. Remember how hard it is to find someone special, and you'll feel lucky every day. If you take someone for granted, they might turn into the one that got away.

3. Step Up Your Efffort
Committed relationships are not easy. There's an element of a natural fit, but all relationships require work. The main reason I'm so bad at committing is because I'm lazy. No room for laziness if you're going to be in a serious relationship. You have to be ready for things to get more intense, and accept the responsibility of a serious relationship.

4. Stop Seeing Other People
There are many reaons for seeing other people: keeping your options open, protetcting yourself from getting in too deep, etc. But if you're going to be in a committed relationship, you obviously can't see other people. Time to break off any other little side projects.

5. Don't Second Guess Yourself
It's easy to doubt your feelings every now and then, but you have to limit the second guessing so it doesn't limit your relationship. Sure, it's tough to know if you really like someone, but a lot of times it's all in your head and you talk yourself in to and out of things instead of just going with your gut.

6. Remember You Deserve It
I run into the problem that, because of my Italian-Catholic guilt, my crisis thinking, and my over-analysis of everything, I don't deserve it when good things happen to me. Or, I figure that once something good happens, then a bunch of bad things have to happen to offset the good thing. Chances are, you're not as insane as I am, so remember you do deserve a great relationship.

7. Take A Risk
When when you decide to be in a serious relationship, it feels like you're taking a leap off a cliff (and maybe you are). Every relationship involves an element of risk, and have to go for it once you decide to do it.

8. See It As A Beginning, Not An Ending
Men look at that "plunge" as the end of single life, the end of freedom and the last gasp of immaturity. But we should learn to see a commitment as a beginning instead of an ending. It's the beginning of a new life, and more meaningful relationship with a person you care deeply for.

9. Recognize The Signs
Make sure you acknowledge when something feels different in a good way. I tend to gloss over good things, or miss signals. Don't ignore it, go with it.

10. Grow Up
If you get into a serious relationship, it's time to stop one night stands, stop getting wasted so much, and stop going everywhere in groups with your friends. Priorities and time budgeting certainly change once you're in a relationship.

Do you agree or disagree with my list above? What adjustments and strategies do you think are useful to go from a "dater" to more of a "relationship" person?

Let's Go Mavs, Let's go Mavs!

So the Dallas Mavericks pulled off a win last night over the Detroit Pistons 98-93. It was a close game but we came out on top! Jason the Jet Terry had a great game along with Josh Howard. I had the pleasure of attending the game with my best church gf's (Ash & Roschea) along with some more church members.

It made for a good night and I got the opportunity to catch up with my girls. We've decided that we're going to try out for the Dallas Maverick's dance team this year. I thought about the Dallas Cowboys but I've seen the show and they don't play. Plus, who wants to get cut and it be filmed to live on FOR-EV-ER? (lol) I need to get in shape, work on my dance moves and hair flips ASAP to get this rolling...I think it'll be fun. I'll keep you posted on if I actually follow through with this or not! :)

New Year, New Mindset

Resolve to get your life in order in 2010
by Dory Devlin, Shine staff

The blank slate of a new year beckons, and the early days of a fresh year are rich with possibility --the kind that makes our rested selves believe surely this will be the year we organize our personal finances, get started on home projects, and take charge of our career.

It is possible, especially if you focus on a few goals at a time, to get your life in order at work and at home as the new year begins. We’ve rounded up some of the wisest experts often found blogging on Yahoo! Shine about money, work, and home projects to help you get going.

YOUR MONEY

Dayana Yochim of The Motley Fool says getting organized about your money, how you spend it, and how you (hopefully) invest it starts with finding out where your money goes every month.

- Follow the money
Every budget starts with sniffing out your spending habits and determining exactly where your money goes on a day-to-day basis,” Yochim says. Start with your debit card or if you use one credit card to pay most of your monthly bills and other expenses for an easy way to track your spending habits. If you use cash, for at least one week, write down what you spend every day, then multiply it by four and add it to the monthly recurring bills you pay to approximate how much you spend a month.

- Get a spending plan
Aside from the bills you know you need to pay month in, month out, now’s the time to write down what you will need to—and want to—spend money on in the next three to six months. “These could be physical purchases (like new tires for the car, airfare for the family vacation) or financial plans (such as paying off a credit card, maxing out this year's IRA or adding to your emergency fund,” Yochim says. Once you attach dollar amounts to these goals, and you decide how many months until you'll be spending on them, you’ll be able to figure how much you need to save every month to reach one or more of your goals.

- Save automatically
"The best way to save your money is to keep your cash out of spending reach by diverting it to a separate savings account--one different from the checking account you use for everyday expenditures,” Yochim says. Set up automatic transfers from your regular checking account to savings account so you can put the money out of reach before you spend it on something else.

YOUR CAREER

When you tend to the professional relationships in your life you are tending to your career because chances are good you will find your way to your next job through someone you already know. With that in mind, Marci Alboher, who blogged about Working the New Economy here on Yahoo! Shine and is now a senior fellow at Civic Ventures, has these tips for the new year:

- Focus on the people you know
Tend to strong relationships you already have, rather than making new contacts. “In the course of a career, people can usually trace the most significant opportunities to a small handful of people," Alboher says.

- Say thank you
Identify those who have done something helpful in your career in the past year and find your own way to say thanks. “A colleague recently made my week by hand delivering a box of chocolates from her hometown's confectioner,” Alboher says. “An out-of-the-blue recommendation on LinkedIn or a handwritten thank you note would have a similar result.”

- Be a mentor
The dark of winter is an ideal time to think about nurturing others, so look around for someone to mentor. You'll feel great about helping an up-and-comer and at the same time, you'll be plugging yourself in to where your industry is going.

YOUR HOME

Once all traces of holiday decorations and entertaining are put away, keep going. It’s a good time to pare down and get rid of clutter that keeps you from enjoying your home—and fearing an unannounced drop-in visit.

- Start small
Create a gadget-charging area so you can tame the wires and know where to look for smartphones, iPods, and cameras when you need them. Pay your bills online to cut down on the paper coming into the house, and set up an accordion file by month for the paper bills you still get once they’re paid.

The heart of the winter is also a good time to freshen up your home, but home projects don’t have to be daunting or expensive.

- A splash of fresh paint
“If you want to freshen up a room but don’t have time for a decorative overhaul, try painting one wall in a bold accent color. Apply it to the least prominent wall and the pop of color will always be a pleasant surprise as you move about the space,” says PointClickHome.com Executive Editor, Anne E. Collins.

- Think storage
Keep things you use in view, and store clutter-y items like DVDs and other media behind closed doors. As for the items you keep in plain view, don’t overdo it. “It’s okay to have a few tchotchkes—if you consolidate them. Grouping similar items on a shelf or two will make them look like a curated collection rather than a hodgepodge of stuff,” Collins says.

What’s on your get-organized list for your goals at work and home at the start of the new year?